


Tony Stark: Cooking Disaster

by Arabesqueangel



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, mild crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22904905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arabesqueangel/pseuds/Arabesqueangel
Summary: Tony Stark can’t cook, and that is putting it mildly. It’s ok, Loki falls in love with him anyways.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 26
Kudos: 152





	Tony Stark: Cooking Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QuietCanadian9](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietCanadian9/gifts).



> Hi all! Two postings today because I wrote this silly little story in about a day and wanted to give Quiet a little surprise since it was their prompt. 
> 
> Also, this very neatly fills one of my bingo slots: B4 Trope: Cooking Disaster
> 
> Basically, Tony is bad at cooking... really bad... except for one thing. Shoutouts also to Elly & Selysin for some of the bad cooking ideas! I hope you all enjoy!

One of the first things Loki learned about Tony Stark after he joined the Avengers was that he cannot cook to save his life. At first, it was simple things like burnt toast. Everyone burns toast on occasion, but Tony made it an art. He burnt toast to a cinder so consistently that he eventually programmed a toaster that scanned and monitored the exact shade of brown of the bread and would turn off and eject the toast as soon as it was perfectly cooked. Bruce Banner used it and declared it an instant success. Steve Rogers insisted he had never had a better piece of toast. Even Loki was begrudgingly impressed. Of course, the first time Tony used his own perfectly programmed toaster? Charcoal. 

It became a bit of a private joke. No one really expected Tony to be particularly good at cooking; he had always had a cook, afterall. So they would reassure him that of all the things Tony could be bad at, really it makes sense it would be cooking; certainly there are worse things. Of course, the more they tried to reassure him, the more Tony wanted to try to prove them wrong. 

His attempts at mashed potatoes resulted in paste. They were mortified at what they would encounter when they found out he had boiled eggs for thirty minutes, only to break one open and discover it was somehow still raw. Loki knew that he had fallen for Tony Stark when he had happily consumed a chicken breast that was charred to inconsumability on the outside but pink and raw on the inside. He counted himself fortunate that he couldn’t be killed by any Midgardian bacteria because he was pretty sure if anything would have done it, it would be that chicken,

The salad was particularly puzzling. They had been putting together a team meal, so everyone contributed with a dish. Tony had insisted on participating so Banner had suggested that he put together a salad. Since salads didn’t require any form of cooking the team had all internally cheered at Banner’s idea. No one could have anticipated walking in on Tony in the kitchen staring balefully at a salad on fire. 

Yes, that’s right. The salad was on fire. The entire team just stared at the bowl open-jawed in mute consternation as to how this possibly could have happened. 

“I just toasted some walnuts to garnish the salad. I tossed them in from the pan and whoosh,” Tony explained.

“I think the walnuts may have been too hot,” Natasha suggested. It was likely the understatement of the millenia.

“Yeah, but they’re barely even toasted,” Clint countered, picking one out, after they had doused the fire, of course.

“New rule, Tony is not allowed in the team kitchen,” Steve commanded. Even Tony really couldn’t argue with him at this point. 

With Tony banned from the kitchen, the messes were mostly forgotten. Everyone went about their business with meals and no one suggested or even thought about Tony taking part in the cooking. He could order delivery better than the rest of them anyways. 

So everyone settled in to their happy little routines. Loki could admit, if only to himself, that his favorite part was the time he spent with Tony in his workshop. Sometimes they’d be debating about magic, sometimes Loki would be helping Tony on a project, sometimes Loki was just there to keep Tony company. It really didn’t matter what he was doing, Loki was just happy to spend the time with the inventor. Tony seemed to enjoy it as well, but Loki was having trouble determining if the feelings went any further than that. 

At least, he was having trouble with it, right up until the celebration of a completed project had Tony grabbing Loki by the collar and kissing him senseless. Loki mostly got the jist at that point. Still, Loki couldn’t help but let Tony squirm in mortification for just a few moments in payment for all the months Loki spent wondering. He eventually let Tony off the hook by responding with a kiss of his own. Loki was so fuzzy with blissful satisfaction afterwards that he found himself agreeing to dinner with Tony that night. Correction, he somehow agreed to Tony  _ cooking _ dinner for him that night. Fuck. 

Loki thought it was an auspicious sign when the elevator doors opened to the penthouse and there were no fire alarms going off. He couldn’t detect even a hint of the sharp scent of carbon. Either Tony had managed to find something he couldn’t burn, unlikely considering salad didn’t make that list, or he had wisely decided to order food. Loki let out the breath he had been holding the entire elevator ride and strolled into the kitchen. 

Tony was bending over a steaming pot wearing the apron with a cartoonish Iron Man armor on the front that Clint had gotten him before he had been banned from the kitchen for all-time. He was bouncing around confidently and humming, looking absurdly pleased with himself. Loki couldn’t help grinning and walking in to grab the mortal’s hips and pull him aside for a kiss. 

“Hey Bambi, not that I would ever turn down a kiss, but I’m working here. Go settle your cute but at the table, I’ll have the food out shortly,” Tony said with a grin. 

Loki gave him a skeptical look but followed directions. Tony seemed pretty confident, then again, Tony always did. Loki sat down at the table and agonized over what horrible sin against cooking he would have to pretend to enjoy consuming. 

When Tony sat a steaming hot plate of pasta in front of Loki, he was pleasantly surprised. It smelled good! Like garlic, lemon and white wine. Loki eyed the razor clams mixed in with the pasta leerily. He adored seafood but clams were particularly difficult. It didn’t take much to send them into overdone territory. Still, rubber clams with what appeared to be a nice sauce would still be better than what he had been dreading. 

Tony was grinning at him expectantly so Loki had to take the leap. He twirled some pasta onto his fork with some clam and tried not to flinch as he put it in his mouth. A couple of chews had him fighting to keep his mouth from dropping open in awe. The sauce was a deliciously complex white wine sauce with just a touch of red pepper for bite, the razor clams were cooked perfectly and the pasta….

“Did you actually make this pasta? From scratch?” Loki asked.

“Well, of course. My mom would skin me alive if she ever caught me using that mass-produced dried crap.” 

“But….” Loki spluttered. “How? The toast! The salad!”

“Yeah, that stuff is hard! Pasta’s easy. I learned to make pasta right around when I put together my first circuit board.”

Loki just stared at him.

“Oh, yeah, I forget you haven’t necessarily heard all the press about me. I was four.”

Loki took another bite to save himself from coming up with something to say. It was just as amazing as the first one. He was baffled, but even more in love with the genius, billionaire, pasta chef, philanthropist. It was at that moment that Loki decided that no matter how amusing it would be to confuse the rest of the Avengers with Tony’s hidden skills, he was keeping all the seafood pasta to himself.


End file.
